Social Foreplay
One of my goals in life is to seek out interesting people. As is the case with most things, what you are looking for is all around you. There are fascinating people everywhere; the tricky part is finding out how to get them to reveal themselves.
Cutting past someone’s inhibitions and getting to know who they really are is difficult, since most people have thrown up layers of defenses in an attempt to make themselves seem as normal as possible.
People are afraid to show their uniqueness.
Because of this, I’ve spent a lot of time finding ways to get people to step outside of their normal modes of thinking when when I talk to them. I want to know what a person really cares about. How do they perceive themselves? How does the world look from their eyes?
It’s hard getting someone, even someone you have known for a long time, to share their perspective of reality. It can take years. But we have no time, and cutting past the social foreplay saves precious time that could be spent doing meaningful things. None of us really have any time to waste on small talk.
With that in mind, I start every conversation with a new person the same way:
Tell me tales of glory
I’ve found that it’s an odd enough opening line to garner very interesting responses from the right type of people. I’ve been told stories about near death experiences, tales about traveling across the sea- hiking high in the Andes- and inner tubing in the backyard after a long absence from home. In all cases, I’ve never heard anything formulaic or boring. People who have nothing to say just don’t answer the question. We end the conversation and are both the better for it.
After many years of saying this, it’s become something of a mantra for me (hence the sub-title of this blog). Saying it to anyone I meet also helps to keep the meaning of the words top of mind for myself. It reminds me that I always need to make sure I can answer my own question. As long as I can, I know I’m headed in the right direction.